Wait...

-What are you doing? -Time, I answered... I'm waiting.... that's not something I actually use to do. Yes, I know you know... Anxiety rules me everytime... But now I'm waiting for the seconds to pass by... Alone, shaking, shivering, by the way... Trying to figure out if I care or if I don't...
It's what I've been doing all day.. wait... I've waited for you.. that's it... I don't know.. I guess I'm not ok with waiting.. You see me, n' I'm always in such a rush... having so much to do, beggin' for more time... It's kind of stressing, but not less stressing than waiting... Waiting is something so empty... but so relaxing in some sick way... But it drives me nuts, waiting to get up, waiting to go home, waiting for lunch, waiting for the weekend, waiting at the market line, waiting for vacations, waiting for your answers, waiting to get laid, waiting for the summer, waiting for my mum to leave, waiting for a call, waiting to see you again... There's nothing we can do to use wisely all that time that we waste waiting... So I'll just be here, out in the dark night, fuckin' waiting...

15-06

I'm very sleepy now... I haven't slept for 25 hours, so probably you can imagine my headake. My eyes are closing against my will, n' I'm forcing them to stay alert... My nose is red n' freezing, 'cause is pretty cold out there... I probably smell like.. baby?... whatever you say... jaja... My lips are asking for more... a goodnight kiss is never enought... My hands are shaking, and they look whiter than usually... I did my nails today, so they look neat, but no for long... I wear a skirt, definetely a bad idea... I can't feel my feet, 'cause my sneakers are extremely cheap, n' now wet... I'm staring at my tea cup, fooling around with my tongue... My theeth hurt a lot, 'cause of the temperature.. I can tell... I don't wanna fall asleep, thet shouldn´t happen.. I've got to stay up.. Just a couple of more hours...

Dissapoint me once again...

Today I write another song about dissapointment...
Why do I always make the same mistakes?
I risked my life, I thought this time it would be different...
And you betray me again right in my face...

After everything I've done for you,
You've got no freaking excuse.
This have been a total waste of time,
Maybe someday I will get used...

Getting used to being dissapointed... I just don't get it.. "Should have seen, just what was there, and not some holy light...".. It happens to me all the times.. I mean.. I get so enthusiastic about things.. n' I'm always expecting so much from every situation... SO, then.. My enthusiasm is proporcional to my frustration... And the worst is that I always leave so much things to focus in one... I finish wondering if everything I do is fucking worthy... Anyway.. I also overeact the frustration.. So I guess it's not so bad afterall.. But that's not the way I freaking feel...
Anyway... I'm here, still trying.. When the hell will I give up?...